Monday, January 5, 2009

Blessed moment of critical mood change

I am thinking on getting up and make myself another green tea yap in the past few weeks it feels like tea is my main source of food since it seems to be the fastest thing to make and to put in my mouth water tea and honey enough to shut the hunger, but to be honest… I am not even hungry I am stressed as always or maybe it is my period that giving me such hard times it drains the life out of me I swear to god last night I looked as pail as the walls in my apartment maybe this is why no one noticed me in my lovely lizard look Geez ignorance is so cruel oh well why I am complaining it is not like I haven’t been through this before hmm.. I guess some things don’t change even after so many years, now that I think about it why did I even start to drink green tea I know that in the past I have been a coffee addict well I guess I was drinking too much of it till I reached the point that it made me want to puke I couldn’t even stand the smell of it sheesh I felt like a pregnant woman when ever the smell of coffee was around me oh bad times it’s better not to remember how I fell madly in love with the school coffee machine but seriously this machine left me broke what a gold digger well that wasn’t the only reason I think the hungry scary vampire eyes might have had some affect on why I stopped drinking coffee many people say that coffee causes dark circles under the eyes so I thought if I stop drinking it then the scary vampire look will go away but as always I was wrong my drug addict look will never go away I guess I am cursed with those scary eyes
Oh god why I am even talking about tea and coffee is has nothing to do with anything oh why I am even here I don’t remember on agreeing to live in this world and I am pretty sure I didn’t sing any contract why no one asked me if I want to be here why no one gave me the choice of living or dieing how can people be so selfish creating life here and there …and why dieing is so damn hard …everyone probably have the same question in their head why I don’t want to live or rather they have an assumption of another stupid suicidal case but I don’t think I am just a regular case and why I am not content in my life I have to admit that I don’t have the answer I just know that I am not happy , I don’t have dreams or goals in life and there is no one I want to live for it sounds like I am rather bored well I don’t know why but I feel like I am in prison the prison is around me and within me but there is no certain reason why there is just the fact that I want to be nothing or something like ash just to flow without a worry

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